Relationship Psychology: Behind Any Power Struggle There Is a Need for Control


Behind every argument, there is a hidden power struggle. At the early stages of a relationship, getting into a fight resembles a small crack in a water dam. Initially, the crack can be easily fixed. On the other hand, with the passing of time, the water penetrates the crack and widens it.

As time passes by, couples who have neglected to deal with the core of their dispute or disagreements. They find it more and more difficult to do so. In order to avoid the “crack” from becoming wider. It is significant for a couple to aim at resolving disputes or disagreements right at the beginning of their relationship. The best scenario is if the dam has not yet fallen apart. If it has already happened, it is best to deal with it as soon as possible. A long quarrel or recurring ones turn into an ongoing crisis that can lead to a divorce.

The Struggle For Power

Many couples get caught up in power struggles for the purpose of gaining control in some areas of their lives. Some try to control the expenditures or economic resources of the family. Others try to control the decision-making process, social and family ties, or how to raise the children. In extreme cases, there are those who seek control of their partner’s behavior, as well as their partner’s thoughts and inner world.

The need to control (by one partner or both) indicates that the relationship is not perceived as a partnership. Namely, each person contributes their share and skills to the relationship, and each one has the legitimacy to be themselves. In displaying power struggles, the opposite is true. It suggests that one (or both) considers themselves the more powerful, understanding, smart, talented, and successful partner of the two. Aiming to determine how things will be carried out, without consulting the partner and without the partner’s consent.

A “pattern of power” has been found in people who have a high need for control due to the fact that experiencing loss of control triggers a feeling of helplessness, which evokes anxiety. This is a learned pattern. Where a person experiences throughout their life that they must take care of things alone because they have no one to rely upon. This perception results from unresolved past experiences that originated from experiencing a lack of basic trust.

Latest Posts

The Mental Toll of Unprepared Estate Planning and How to Avoid It

Estate planning is not only a financial and legal responsibility; it also comes with a significant emotional and mental load. The idea of planning for the future, especially a time when you are no longer around to protect and provide for your loved ones, can be...

Cutting Costs and Reducing Stress: Estate Planning Simplified

Estate planning is often seen as a complicated, expensive, and stressful process. Many people avoid it because they feel overwhelmed by the decisions, legal documents, and potential costs involved. However, estate planning doesn’t have to be a source of stress, nor...

How Pre-Planning Can Eliminate Legal Headaches and Keep You Calm

Estate planning often feels like a legal minefield—one misstep can lead to costly and time-consuming complications for your loved ones. From probate battles to unclear directives, the legal headaches associated with a poorly planned estate are abundant. However, these...

Estate Planning 101: Essential Basics Everyone Should Know

Estate planning is an essential process that everyone, regardless of wealth or family size, should undertake. It ensures that your wishes are honored and that your loved ones are provided for in the future. But estate planning is often misunderstood or postponed due...

Avoid Legal Headaches: Why Early Estate Planning Matters

Estate planning is often seen as something that can be put off until later in life. However, the reality is that early estate planning is crucial for avoiding legal headaches and ensuring that your wishes are carried out smoothly and efficiently. The earlier you start...

]