The Psychology of Relationships: Have a Need to Control Your Spouse?


A person who has existing inner feelings of helplessness, worthlessness, weakness, lack of confidence, or other difficult emotions, will exercise emotional or physical control over their spouse (usually subconsciously), in order to force things to go their way and according to their will. It is done to regain a sense of security and strength.

When things progress contrary to the expectations and needs of the “controlling spouse”, he/she may exploit different types of “power” to regain control and get their way; even if their actions are done against their partner’s wishes. It is helpful to understand that this process occurs mainly at the subconscious level.

No wonder that many couples claim “we no longer talk”.

Many couples prefer to remain silent, or to argue than to talk about what really bothers them. This causes an unhealthy buildup of non-inconsiderable issues, but if not communicated, with time they become larger and more significant. A distance is starting to form, which no one really understands how it has started, and how it can be bridged. Now the couple is in a “relationship crisis”, not knowing how to come out of it.

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